Your Bluetooth Tattoo

Would you consider getting a bluetooth enabled sub-dermal device implanted into your arm? I think I would. Maybe. I don't know. It creeps me out a bit, but it's also supercool.

This Bluetooth device is permanently implanted beneath the skin. It is flat, flexible, silicon and silicone. Tightly rolled when it's inserted through a small incision, and then unfurled beneath the skin, it lies benignly between skin and muscle.

Through the same incision, two small tubes are attached from the implanted device to an artery and a vein. A coin sized blood fuel cell in the implant converts the blood's glucose and oxygen from the artery to the electricity required to power the device. Used blood returns through to the vein. The digital device's power source is the same as for all of the biological components in the body.

The surface of the implant that faces the underside of the skin is covered with a matrix of field producing pixels that activate a matching matrix of pixels tattooed onto the surface of the skin above the implant. The field penetrates the skin to drive the tattooed display, while the skin continues to provide its function of sealing the body from the world. The surface of the implant is also a touch screen control, pressed through the skin. Rather than ink, tiny clusters of microscopic spheres are injected, like tattoo ink, into the skin. Each sphere is filled with a field sensitive material that changes from clear to black when a field in the matrix is turned on.

This device communicates wirelessly with the world as well as with other devices implanted in the same body. It is always present, always on, but out of sight and non-obtrusive. It also continually monitors for many blood disorders, alerting the person of a health problem: A human version of the check engine light. Product styling is the latest and coolest downloaded display interface showing on any tattoo on the block. This product is waterproof and it is powered by pizza.

Mr. Perfect

Congratulations to Mark Buehrle of the Chicago White Sox. He just became only the 18th pitcher in history to throw a perfect game. No hits, no walks, no base runners. Perfection.

I guess Gabe should have hit it about five inches deeper, but I know that Buehrle will be treating DeWayne Wise to a steak dinner tonight. Wise robbed Gabe by making an awesome above-the-wall catch, robbing Gabe of a home run and saving Buehrle's perfect game.

My Big Tough Dog

A moment ago I glanced out the front door. No shit, I swear ... two rabbits, six turkeys, and a groundhog were all having a party on the lawn. Where was my local fox? Did he not get the invitation?

While the below video was taken a couple of days ago, it illustrates my dog's "toughness." Sarcasm intended and with emphasis. Based solely on Lindsay's tail wagging, I think she merely wanted to be friends with Mr. Groundhog.

This happens almost every day. I especially get a kick out of watching Lindsay trying to catch up to a deer that's nesting in the tall weeds next to my house. Sure, Lindsay is half greyhound, but she gets left in the dust with the lateral jig-jags that the deer do to her though the forest.

For matter of record, Lindsay does not like the local coyotes. She runs inside, tail between her legs, and whimpers whenever she hears the yip-yip-yipping of the pack.

Bizarre Craigslist Offerings

Since you're here over teh Interwebs, you already know about Craigslist. I haven't bothered to research whether or not there's an entire website devoted to bizarre advertisements, so mayhaps this is redundant. Whatever.

I'm an addict. Once in a while there are some truly amusing listings. Here's one such example:

Free mean rooster. Hi there... my friend just emailed me that her rooster is getting mean and she needs him out of there, probably only good for a slow cooker, but anybody willing to help for free... would be appreciated. thanks

Of all the weird ads I've seen, my favorite has to be the one offering 1/3 of a package of coffee filters. Sure, it's free. But then again, would you drive even a mile to pick up 18 coffee filters which cost 99¢ per hundred?

Bohemian Rhapsody (Annoying Voices Edition)

"Actor Rick Miller performs Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody as '25 of the most annoying voices in the music industry.' From the 2001 Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal."

Brilliant. Well done, sir!

Speed? Check. Instincts? Check. Smarts? Nope.

My dog Lindsay is built for speed. Her veterinarian opines that she's half lab and half greyhound.

Anybody who has met Lindsay will describe her as painfully shy, sweet, and, well, the perfect companion. She loves kids, other dogs and even cats. The only time she ever displays instinctual "hunter" behavior is when she spies a squirrel, turkey, deer, or raccoon in our back yard.

Sometimes while I'm tapping away at my computer she will abruptly stand up and cock her head to one side. We both know what this means. She's heard something outside. She then silently creeps to the always-open back door, looks out over her domain, and watches intently. Waiting for what she thinks is the perfect moment, she eventually charges like a bullet toward her quarry.

Unfortunately for Lindsay, she's not the most adept in altering her tactics mid-hunt. She'll often "tree" a squirrel in the glorified bush at the center of the back yard. Instead of paying attention to where her target has fled, she just barrels forward on an imaginary train track she has built in her mind at the point in time when she first spotted her prey.

Forgive the poor quality of the cell-phone video example below this post. You cannot see the squirrel at the base of the aforementioned glorified bush, nor that it immediately scrambled into safety of the branches instead of risking a sprint across open ground in an attempt to reach the higher canopy of the forest at the edge of the yard.

However, you can clearly see Lindsay's unbelievable acceleration and apparent lack of strategy. To her credit, at least she sort of veers to port once she realizes the squirrel is no longer where she thought it would be. Hey ... she gave herself a 50/50 chance guessing a lateral direction to charge, right?