Heart Attack in a Can

Those with whom I've spent any substantive time know that I'm not a health nut. Far from it. Due to my family history I'm going to die of a heart attack before I'm 70, which would frankly be a miracle if I last that long. Thereby I admit that this posting is absurd.

I enjoyed delicious home made chicken noodle soup last night (no, you silly reader, I didn't make it). It was frickin' awesome. Instead of spooning up mouthful after mouthful of salty water, I was rewarded with scoops of (shocking!) chicken and noodles.


Aside from the palpability of each spoonful, I was shocked by the flavor. It wasn't like drinking salt water. I could actually taste the hunks of chicken, crunched the carrots, and enjoyed the pasta.

I base my chicken noodle soup experience on eating Campbell's. The little chewy morsels of meat are closely related to the chunks of muscle that's attached to the shells which are found on ... well ... mussels. The noodles are sparse and limp. The vegetables in Cambpell's are nearly non-existent.

Then I had home made chicken noodle soup. The difference was amazing.

So what's this got to do with the morbid topic of keeling over with a heart attack?

Well, the first thing I noticed about home made chicken noodle soup was that it wasn't salty. A few minutes of research results in these facts. Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup contains 890mg of Sodium. That's 50% of the FDA's daily allowance in one serving. I just saw on CNN a couple of days ago that *shock* lowering my salt intake by half could produce health benefits on par with reducing high cholesterol or smoking.

Hmmmmm ... bacon, salt, or smoking. How to choose?

Holy heart attack, Batman. Add that to all the chips, bacon, beer, pistachios . . .

It's a wonder I haven't dropped dead yet.

My Vote Counted

For the first time in my entire life, my vote counted in a senatorial race. I was accustomed to shuffling into the voting booth, casting my pointless 19% stake in trying to unseat Kerry and/or Kennedy, and feeling like I wasted my time.

I'm still in shock that the voters of Massachusetts, often called "the most liberal state in the country," elected Scott Brown.

Sketchy Santas

Merry Christmas, everybody! Here are some hilarious pictures of sketchy Santas. *shudder*

Jenny Gets Gold!

My buddy Jeff and I attended the Special Olympics equestrian event today to cheer on his sister Jenny. It was wonderful to see her face light up when she saw Jeff. I think it's really cool that she always greets me with a big smile and a bright "Hi Donnie!"

Jenny was very proud of her gold and silver medals. Me too.

Aquifer

I recently used the word "aquifer" in a conversation. The person with whom I was speaking stopped me mid-sentence and accused me of making up a word. I was honestly puzzled, so much so that I had absolutely no idea about which word I was being accused of creating.

Aquifer.

Be honest, please. Consider this a scientific study. Do you know what aquifer means, and if not then do you think I'm an asshole for using it in polite discourse?

Life Is Short

Mortality has always been a fascination for me. My good friend Jeff's unexpected passing is yet another kick in the ass.

Y'see, my dad died at a relatively young age of 54. I had seen him just two weeks before he died. Interestingly, I beat him at a game of chess for the first time of my life that day. It was such a monumental occasion that we took a picture of it. A "Master" (not a grand master although close in the rankings), he made me play at least once a week since I was old enough to speak. My parents were divorced when I was seven years old, but the chess bug was well situated in my system. I've given it to my sons too.

I was with my mom as she died a couple of years ago. My grandfather and namesake, Don Sr., died when I was 14. I took care of my Nana as she died a slow and horrible death from cancer, colostomy bags and morphine and all that shit. I never knew my biological grandmother on my father's side. And I just can't talk about Papa. People who know me will give me a pass on this. He was for all intents and purposes my dad.

There's nobody left on the totem pole higher than me. With Jeff's passing I'm left without a person from whom I can seek sage wisdom and guidance. That's it. It's just me now. It's scary.

Getting back to my friend Jeff. I just spoke with him a few days ago. Things were well. He was kicking ass and taking names, starting up yet another non-profit organization. He bragged about his son Jarrod and how well he was doing in school. Business as usual with Jeff. He asked me to write a LinkedIn recommendation and of course I did so. All was right with the world.

Then he's gone in the blink of an eye at 48.

This blog post is wavering off point. Yes, mortality. It's always been fascinating to me. Here it is. We're all blips on the scene of history, and it makes me chuckle about those with whom I interact with an ego. Listen, I've been fortunate enough to meet lots and lots of celebrities, actors, athletes, and politicians. None of them will be remembered in 50 years.

Guys like Jeff won't be remembered either. Nor will my dad. Nor will I. And that's okay, it really is. My point is that we're all here for a short time, and nobody really gives a shit unless they love you.

So here's my unsolicited advice. Tackle your kid(s) and smother them with kisses until the pee their pants while trying breathlessly to beg for mercy. Donate blood. Let somebody merge ahead of you even though they're driving a BMW and being a prick by nudging forward. Have a drink at 11:00 in the morning just 'cause you want to have a drink. Look at the trees sway in the breeze and feel peace. Go to Punta Cana. Learn how to ride a motorcycle. Tell your co-worker that you appreciate what they do for the company. Engage in a conversation with somebody at Dunkin' Donuts this morning. Tell them that they look nice today and wish them a good day at work.

I already miss Jeff. A lot. Of course not as much as his wife and son miss him, but I'm talking about me. I'm being selfish here.

We're here for a very short time. Make it count.

Enough preaching.

An Everyday Hero of Whom You've Never Heard

Yesterday I received news that my friend, mentor, and a hero to countless others across the country passed away. Whether Jeff was launching yet another non-profit organization to help people in need, drumming up support for a cause with me by poking his finger into the chest of a corporate bigwig, asking his son Jarrod about the lessons learned in school that day, or letting loose with me for some well-deserved fun in Las Vegas or at an Ohio State football game amongst a throng of a hundred thousand college students ... Jeff did everything at 110%. Everything. That was Jeff in a nutshell. He was either sleeping or was full speed ahead.

He and I had many adventures together both in business and regular life. I miss him already. Godspeed, friend.

Jeff Hay
1961 - 2009